Mes Premiers Dessins

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Re: Mes Premiers Dessins

Message  Hakkai le Lun 25 Juin - 22:59

AkaJoki a écrit:
Hakkai a écrit:Thank you so much, vos avis m'ont beaucoup encouragé pour encore dessiner.

http://i42.servimg.com/u/f42/16/32/14/95/mina_510.jpg
http://i42.servimg.com/u/f42/16/32/14/95/neko__10.jpg
http://i42.servimg.com/u/f42/16/32/14/95/jena2_10.jpg


Pas de problème ! Ca serait dommage que tu t'arrêtes en si bon chemin Smile.

Et tes dessins m'incitent de plus en plus à poster *-*.
Mais je ne sais pas quand je ferai un topic avec mes dessins, quoi.

Je vais attendre tes dessins avec impatience.
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Re: Mes Premiers Dessins

Message  Hakkai le Mer 27 Juin - 22:44

J'ai essayé de dessiner Hakkai et Goku mais...c'est à vous de décider:

http://i42.servimg.com/u/f42/16/32/14/95/hakkai10.gif
http://i42.servimg.com/u/f42/16/32/14/95/goku10.jpg


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Re: Mes Premiers Dessins

Message  mathieulonewolf le Mer 27 Juin - 22:50

Pas mal Smile

Pour Hakkai, tu aurais dû plus décrocher son menton, de sorte qu'il soit moins collé à son cou.
Et pour Gokû la tête est super bien faite mais les bras sont un peu disproportionnés^^
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Re: Mes Premiers Dessins

Message  Hakkai le Mer 27 Juin - 22:56

Merci Mathieu,
Tes remarques vont m'aider à s'améliorer.
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Re: Mes Premiers Dessins

Message  mathieulonewolf le Mer 27 Juin - 22:59

De rien Hakkai Smile En tout cas, tu fais de jolis reflets de lumière sur les cheveux de Hakkai et sur les bordures noires Smile
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Re: Mes Premiers Dessins

Message  Mikan le Ven 29 Juin - 12:20

Hakkai qui invoque un serpent ? O.O sympa Smile

Je suis d'accord avec Mathieu. tes poses ne font pas très naturelles aussi, ils sont un peu guindés et raides.
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Re: Mes Premiers Dessins

Message  Hakkai le Ven 29 Juin - 22:51

Mais non Mikan, ce n'est pas Hakkai qui invoque un serpent c'est un autre garçon.

http://i42.servimg.com/u/f42/16/32/14/95/shurei10.jpg
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Re: Mes Premiers Dessins

Message  Mikan le Ven 29 Juin - 23:03

mwaha toutes mes excuses, j'ai tout mélangé Smile mais ça ne change rien à la qualité de tes dessins of course.
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Re: Mes Premiers Dessins

Message  Hakkai le Ven 29 Juin - 23:05

Pas grave, merci.
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Re: Mes Premiers Dessins

Message  mathieulonewolf le Ven 29 Juin - 23:06

Shurei c'est un yokai?^^
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Re: Mes Premiers Dessins

Message  Hakkai le Ven 29 Juin - 23:12

Oui, Shurey est un Yokai, bon je suis entrain de faire une histoire de Saiyuki comme les fanfics mais en dessin.
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Re: Mes Premiers Dessins

Message  mathieulonewolf le Ven 29 Juin - 23:21

Oh c'est intéressant ça! Un dôjinshi en quelque sorte :p J'espère que tu nous le feras lire Smile
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Re: Mes Premiers Dessins

Message  Hakkai le Ven 29 Juin - 23:23

Pour l'instant je suis occupée mais je vous promis que je vous le montrerai un jour.
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Re: Mes Premiers Dessins

Message  Invité le Sam 30 Juin - 2:12

Oh oui, ça m’intéresserais aussi !!

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Re: Mes Premiers Dessins

Message  Daruko-san le Sam 30 Juin - 13:58

Intéressant j'ai hâte de connaître cette histoire.

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Je casse Panini et alors, ils le valent bien !

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Re: Mes Premiers Dessins

Message  Hakkai le Sam 30 Juin - 22:05

Vous devez être patients.
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Re: Mes Premiers Dessins

Message  Invité le Dim 1 Juil - 19:35

Oh ! la coquine Laughing

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Re: Mes Premiers Dessins

Message  Hakkai le Dim 1 Juil - 22:20

Bon, pour ne pas vous laissez attendre j'ai décidé de l'écrire car le dessin va me prendre beaucoup de temps, c'est la première partie de ma première histoire, c'est très long , alors gomen, puisque Hakkai est mon héros préféré c'est le personnage principal, désolée,

Bonne Lecture:

Part I: False happiness, False memories

That night was strange, it was raining...and he saw the past again.
Goku, Sanzo, Gojyo and Hakkai were sleeping,
Goku (sleeping):I'm hungry.
Gojyo(sleeping): Shut up, stupid monkey!
Sanzo(sleeping):Shut up and die!
Hakkai saw that nightmare again; when he killed Maoh's yokais, Hakkai: I hate yokais but I'm one of them, he woke up all scared, Hakkai: I've forgotten this heat since so long, now I can feel it again...and the scars...the scars are...he tries to walk, then he goes out.
In the mourning, Goku wakes up, he went to the kitchen but the meal wasn't served, Goku: I'm hungry! it seems that Hakkai didn't awake yet, something is weird today,
He went to Hakkai's room but he wasn't there, so he went out to search for him,
Goku: Hakkai wasn't feeling well yesterday,
He found him in the middle of the forest, Goku: Hakkai! What are you doing here?
Hakkai: Don't worry, the scars are aching so I wanted to breathe fresh air,
Suddenly, a Tennis ball was thrown, Goku caught it, a blonde girl came, Girl: sorry, Goku: Is it yours? take it, Girl: Thanks, you can stay in my house, your fiend looks ill. Goku: If it doesn't bother you, Hakkai hang on (he helped him to walk) Girl: My house is just there. After walking some miles, they got to the house, Goku: WOW! It's big! It seems that you've a big family!
Girl: ...no, I live there by myself.They entered the house, Hakkai sit on a sofa, Girl: You can stay here and relax, if you need something I'll be in the outside. Goku: Can we play Tennis while he's relaxing?, Girl: Why not?
At that time, Gojyo wakes up, he searches for the 2 others then he asks Sanzo who was reading a newspaper, Gojyo: Hey, baldy monk! Goku and Hakkai are not here, Sanzo: I know and I don't care,
Gojyo: Did you see them when they left? Sanzo: No, but I remarked that Hakkai wasn't okay yesterday, Gojyo: All of us remarked that, this is why I'm worried, Sanzo: Goku is with him, there's nothing to worry about.
Goku and the Girl were playing Tennis, Hakkai was sleeping, Hakkai: Ka...nan, then he wakes up, Hakkai: It was a dream, there was something strange, it seemed that her eyes were lying, her smiling face was sad, maybe she's running away from her past just like me. He gets up, Hakkai: I think Sanzo and Gojyo are worried, we have to go home.he saw a frame that was on its back, he looked at it, there was a picture of the girl's family. Goku and the girl came back, Goku: I'm tired and hungry!, Girl: the meal is ready and waiting to be served.Goku: Hakkai, how are you feeling now?, Hakkai: Better, I think we must go. Girl: Please wait, you can stay for dinner. She brought the meal, Girl: Yeah, I forgot, I'm Jena Mamiko, Goku: Son Goku, Hakkai: I'm Cho hakkai,
Goku: Yummy!, Jena was eating then she saw the picture, she was surprised, Goku: Is there any problem?,she gets up, Hakkai: Jena san?, Goku: The food is not good?, she took the frame, Jena: You shouldn't touch it, Hakkai: I'm sorry, but I thought that it woud be better if your family was wiht you, Goku: What are they talking about?, Hakkai: Even if it brings the sad memories, it's better for you not to forget their faces, Jena: If you have finnished, you can leave, Hakkai: Goku, let's go, Goku: What? Why?, They left and arrived to their house, Hakkai: We are back, Gojyo: Where have you been? We would go without you, Sanzo: Next time tell us before leaving. Hakkai: Sorry, I'm so sorry, Goku: You're unlucky Gojyo, we've eat a lot of stuff.
Sanzo: We're leaving tomorrow, we won't waste time here, Hakkai: Sanzo, can we stay for another day, please?, Goku: yeah, I like her cooking, Gojyo: What happened when you were out?, Sanzo: We can stay, Hakkai left: Excuse me, I've to go, Goku: He will solve Jena's problem, Gojyo: Hey monkey, will you tell us about what happened?, Jena was at the stream, then Hakkai came: sorry, she looked back and said: King?, Hakkai was surprised, Jena: You reminded me of the boy in the picture, Hakkai: Is he your brother?, Jena: no, a friend, Hakkai sit: Sorry For what I've done this mourning, Jena: You didn't do anything wrong,...2 years ago;

(Flashback): Jena was walking, Man: Hey stop there little brat!, Jena: Did I hear "little brat"? I think you're the one who is Little Brat, Man: What did you say?, there was a yokai laid on the ground, he was wounded, the man was holding a dagger, Jena took her weapon, Jena: Do you have any problem with yokais?, the man's hands were shaking, he threw the dagger, Man: ..n..no, I was just playing, Jena punched him: Yokais are not toys to play with!!, he run away, Jena: Are you okay? is your house far away? Yokai: Thanks, I'm just a vagrant,(He was a yokai, but there's no difference between humans and yokais.)she took him to her house, Jena: Hi, mum, I brought a quest, he hasn't a family, so can you be as his mother?, Mother: He's a yokai, but there's no problem I'll be happy,...(He became a member of my family, just like my brother, we were happy, but...I realised that he was a monster, yokais can't be trusted,...he killed my parents, he killed them before my eyes,..I really hate him, I hate yokais) Jena: I won't forgive him, I won't!!, it was the price we paid for helping a yokai, (I attacked him, he didnt resist, I don't know if he died or not, I hate everyone, Yokais are more horrible than monsters, I decided to live alone burying my past, I wanted to live happily alone)(End flashback).

Jena: sorry, I've to go, she run, Hakkai followed her, she went home, she wanted to tear the picture, Hakkai came: Stop! that won't change anything, your memories won't be burying on tearing this picture, Jena: You don't understand the feeling of losing the most important person to you, Hakkai: Of course I do, I've lost a lot of them, you're living a false happiness, the smile you're faking won't erase the suffering memories, Jena: you're right, my past mustn't be buried, the one that must be buried is..ME!!(she throws oil on the ground), Hakkai: Stop! don't be fool, she wanted to set her house on fire, but Hakkai caught her hand, Jena: Yes, I'm fool, I'll be fool if I don't die! I was so stupid to help that yokai! I was stupid to live all that time, I've no merit to live!, Hakkai: This is enough, we're not the ones who decide our fate, I've killed enough, I've lost enough! I don't want you to be like I was, "Living for nothing and duying for anything", the suicide is the hollow of the cowards, Jena: If you try to stop me I'll kill you (she hangs him with her weapon and burns the house) Hakkai: If you die nothing will change but if you stay alive there're many things you can change, Jena: It's too late, it was such a beautiful dream, what you're saying is true but it's hard for me to stay alive, you won't understand, Hakkai: You're just a coward!, Jena: You called me coward?!, Hakkai: you're not able to show your face to people, you're hiding your weakness behind that fake smile, (he broke her weapon using his aura and throw a ball of aura through her but it doesn't hit her) Jena: Why? Why did you attack me?, Hakkai: I wanted to show you the feeling of beeing next to death, Hakkai was going, she caught him from his hand, Jena: I never faced death, hakkai: If you fear death then why do you wanna die?, Jena: I think it'll be better if I die, ...Hakkai you can go, I've no interest on killing you, I don't wanna soil my hands, Hakkai: Tell me where's your parents' room?,Jena: Follow me, but what do you want? Hakkai: I've to search for something, they entered the room, Jena: what are you searching for?, oh,no! the smoke is spreading! hey Hakkai hurry and go!, Hakkai: You can run away, believe me it's not good to make a term to your life.Jena: No, I must die, Hakkai: Jena san, you've the will to live, but you're lying to yourself,
Goku saw something red in the forest: Gojyo, Sanzo!! The house is burning!!, Gojyo: WHAT?! I was sure that something will happen!,they head to the house,
Jena gave her scarf to Hakkai so he won't suffocate, Hakkai: tell me, why didn't you want to die just now? Jena: Because I've forgotten my past but you reminded me, Hakkai: No, because if you wanted it before meeting me there would be no one to stop you, Jena: I think you defeated me, Hakkai: So is Jena san reborn?, Jena: I'm ready to stay alive, Hakkai: If you meet Goku and 2 others, don't let them enter, I'll be back soon, Jena jumped from the window, Gojyo saw her: Hey, where's Hakkai?, Jena: Stop! you're not going anywhere, Goku: Jena, what's going on?, Gojyo: Go away!, Jena: He told me not to let you enter!, Goku: Hey, stop this, you two! (they were looking at the house burning) Jena: He isn't the type that fails easily, Gojyo: Huh, I know him better better than you and I know that he's stupid, Hakkai came: Just who is this stupid you're talking about? Hadn't you learnt not to talk behind someone's back, Gojyo: Don't play as a hero, Hakkai: Jena san wanted to bury her past, Goku: Man! so I won't eat her delicious food again, Gojyo: She's like you, isn't she? Jena: did you find that thing, Hakkai: I found this book, Goku: Pearl Of Darkness?(reading), a tale?, Hakkai(reading): This book was written by Ibaraki Mamiko, it's for the girl who doesn't know herself,it's for you Jena, you the pearl of darkness. There are many things you've to know about this world but first of all you must know about your past. You are the daughter I love most. Keep on living. Jena, I've to tell you; we are not your real parents,..Jena: This is impossible!, Hakkai(continue reading): It happened during the war, Man: RUN AWAY! GAAH!, your parents were killed by humans, you were surrounded by humans, they wanted to kill a baby but I couldn't let them do, I saw hope in your eyes, my wife wanted to take you too, then you became our daughter, Jena: Am I yokai?, Goku: ...but mustn't she put a controller or something?, Hakkai: yes but...,Jena: When King killed my parents my hatred on yokais grew up but.., Hakkai: ..but you're one of them, Goku: do you put somethin' since you were baby? Jena : I don't know, gojyo(pointing on her hand (she puts something like glove)): Maybe this thing is controller, Jena: Don't mock me!, she took it off: See? nothing happened,
There was a small piece planted on her hand, Goku: Maybe it's the controller, she tries to take it off, jena: It's too small! I can't!, Hakkai: Hakuryu, help her!, it took it off and her ears became pointed, Hakkai: Maybe it's better not to...Jena: I don't need it, goku: eh.??...she broke it, Gojyo: How stupid! now you will go berserk!, Jena: Berserk? what's this? Goku: What? You don't know about the minus wave?, Jena: I used to live here all alone, so I don't know what is happening in other regions, Hakkai: Yokais lost control and started to attack humans, Jena: Don't worry about me, I'll be okay, Hakkai: I'm not sure about this, (searching in his pocket), Hakkai: Yeah, I forgot, take this( he gave her a paper),Jena (reading): "Beware of the impostors that ressemble us they will trick you, your father", What does this mean?!, Hakkai: It seemed that your friend didn't kill your parents, he saved you from the impostors, Jena( her hands shaking): Do you mean that I've killed him for no reason?, Hakkai: Do you think the revenge is a reason?, Jena: I WAS SO STUPID!!, Hakkai: You said you didn't know if he died or not, Jena: Why? why did he let me kill him? why didn't he stop me? why is this happening to me?, Sanzo(smoking): Because this is life, Hakkai(puts his hand on her shoulder): Jena san, please calm down, Jena(crying and screaming): I don't need your pity! Why am I so worthless?, Hakkai: It isn't only you who has a suffering past, we don't have anything to do just to keep on living, all of us left a heavy burden, Jena: My life is a waste of time!, Hakkai: Because you closed your mind to the world,...Goku, what about Tennis? shall we play?, Goku: eh?...un,
Goku and Gojyo were playing, Hakkai was an arbiter, Jena: Did you live a Worthless life?, Sanzo: I can't say this, but it was dirty so I'm cleaning it, I won't let others clean after me, Jena stopped weeping: Can I play with you?, Goku: So Hakkai or Sanzo will play, did you change your mind?, Jena: I don't want anyone to clean after me, Gojyo: but we didn't use to play with yokais, hakkai: Just who is playing with you now?, Gojyo: A monkey, Jena: Father, Mother, Ibaraki, Asao, King, wherever you're I'm still alive and you're alive inside me, Goku(playing): Sanzo, why don't you play with us?, Sanzo: Humph! it's annoying.

........to be continued...
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Re: Mes Premiers Dessins

Message  Invité le Dim 1 Juil - 22:26

Blast ! It's in English Shocked

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Re: Mes Premiers Dessins

Message  Hakkai le Dim 1 Juil - 22:56

Désolée, j’espère que ça ne vous dérange pas,
Pour un peu de changement je vais poster quelques images:

http://i42.servimg.com/u/f42/16/32/14/95/hakkai11.gif
http://i42.servimg.com/u/f42/16/32/14/95/lilin10.gif

Cette fille est Ayane, la héroïne de Gate Keepers 21, (personnellement j'aime beaucoup cet anime):

http://i42.servimg.com/u/f42/16/32/14/95/ayane10.gif
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Re: Mes Premiers Dessins

Message  Invité le Mar 3 Juil - 23:47

Oh tu vas illustrer l'histoire c'est ça, donc il faudra transformer l'histoire en dialogue ? Tu as l'intention de le faire en français ou en anglais ?

J'aime bien les deux premiers dessins.

Petit bémol : fait attention à l'anglais, il est bon mais il y a cependant certaines choses à revoir. Relis bien le texte.

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Re: Mes Premiers Dessins

Message  Mikan le Mer 4 Juil - 1:54

en tout cas, tu as des choses très précises en tête, c'est vraiment bien !! Maintenant il faut savoir le coucher sur le papier ! Un Story board n'est pas une mince affaire !

Pour tes persos, (je conseille mais peut être l'as tu déjà fait.) tu devrais travailler les détails des expressions, par visages. Ca permet de bien bosser leur charadesign et d'affiner leur "caractère" et "personnalité".

En tout cas je ne peux que t'encourager dans ton projet, qui est d'envergure ! Il y a du boulot !
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Re: Mes Premiers Dessins

Message  Alana P le Mer 4 Juil - 14:41

C'a déjà été dit, mais :
tu as un sacré courage, et une sacrée motivation !

May the Force be with you Very Happy !
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Re: Mes Premiers Dessins

Message  Hakkai le Mer 4 Juil - 22:19

Merci les filles,
pour l'anglais j'avoue que je fais des fautes,
Pour ta question Sayoka je vais la faire en anglais.
Merci pour les conseils et l'encouragement.
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Re: Mes Premiers Dessins

Message  Invité le Mer 4 Juil - 22:30

Tu en as bien besoin Smile

T'inquiètes pour l'anglais, je suis sûre que tu trouveras ce qui ne va pas Wink

Bon courage !

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